Back to the Drawing Board

I can't believe it took me a trip across the world to realize it! It all makes sense now: my excitement for the outdoors, the high I get after a good run, how in-the-moment I get when I see something beautiful in nature and feel like a camera would get in the way, the thrill I get when I see an animal in the wild or looking up and seeing the sun's rays breaking through the clouds in the distance... I love hiking! A week into my trip, Jess took me out to one of her favorite places in Berry: Tables and Chairs. AKA - Drawing Room Rocks.

As your walking on this trail, you think to yourself, 'Who found this? How do you blaze a trail up this mountain?' The bush is incredibly thick on the way up this mountain! And the trail is constantly changing. First, its your typical dirt trail, then it gets quite rocky, then watch out for those tree roots jutting out of the ground, cross a mini Grand Canyon, splash through puddles, duck under and squeeze through the thickest bush, and you're almost to the top! The trail levels off, and you look out and see that it was all worth it.

At the top is this natural rock formation. You can see how the bigger, flat topped rocks look like tables, and smaller one surrounding them are like chairs. From here we could see out all the way to the ocean.

You could see for miles! Jess and Brad pointed out the surrounding towns:

Berry, Nowra, Kiama, Gerroa, Gerringong and ocean landmarks: Jervis Bay, and 7 mile beach... incredible.

Looking down onto this landscape reminded me that the world is so much bigger than me. Sounds like an easy concept, but often times, each of us get so wrapped up in our own reality. Everyone walking around down there is living with their own set of values, perceptions of the world and the people around them, fighting individual internal battles, or attempting to manage the external world around them. There are times when I get so tangled in my own thoughts and issues that when in the whole scheme of things is so insignificant. I reckon climbing this mountain and seeing how big the world is, just this small part even, was a way for me escape that fog. I spend way too much time worried about what other people think.

Thinking of this led me to think, 'OK then how many people out there truly care about my well being?' I mean REALLY care about the decisions I make and where my life ends up. Not too many. My family (that's all I really got), a handful of friends (I make friends quickly, and usually lose touch with them in the same manner. Easy come, easy go.), and a few mentors. Too often, I have made decisions or done things to earn a person's approval. It's one thing to care about what people think and another to worry about what people think.

When I worry about what people think, I don't actually know what they are thinking. I am only speculating and that small snowball sized thought quickly turns in massive boulder thundering around in my head. In the end, its a heap of wasted emotional energy.

Caring about what a person thinks more productive. We all care about our reputation, so take care of it! That's different than worrying about what people think. It's those people I mentioned before whose approval I really care about. Their opinion matters to me because they know who I am and the person I am striving to be. All those other people out there, are just there. Living in their own realities with their own problems.

This trip has sent me back to the drawing board. I thought going across the world would help me get past the toughest year of my life. It has definitely helped, but I don't believe it was totally necessary. Just like the bushwalk path, there are parts of life that are more challenging to pass through than others. Your abilities or bushwalking experience doesn't matter with your in the thick of it, its the choices you make that make you who you are and get you through.

We all live in our own realities and deal with things differently. Embrace your way, respect and seek to understand others way, do more caring, and less worrying. Put your spirit toward things that matter to YOU.