Can you hear the bells? ...no, me either.

I am always so interested in how couples meet and end up spending the rest of their lives together. Most of it is from my genuine curiosity of people's stories. Some of it comes from fear. What am I afraid of you ask? I fear that I will miss my chance at meeting the man of my life just because he shows up in an unexpected way or place. So, I reassure myself my inquiring and listening to other peoples budding romance stories.

Last night, I asked Julie how she and Tommy met.

As she shares her story, Abby and Allison get to thinking... here's the plan:

If I get married in the next 2 years, Allison will be my flower girl. We pinky swore on it. Six year olds don't forget that sort of thing. As for Abby, she just wanted to be invited. I told her I would have to look into it a bit and get back to her. I was kidding of course and mentally secured her a spot near the head table.

As I am writing this, Tom and I are talking along the lines of dating and finding your life partner. He told me that before he met Julie, he was always looking over the fence for greener pastures or wondering what was in the next pond over. When he started dating her, those thoughts ceased to cross his mind because he had found everything that he was looking for.

This got me to thinking. Is getting married more about when than who? Maybe there is just a certain time in a person's life when they are ready to share their life with another person. Like that there is a biological clock within us, the bells sound and subconsciously we know its time. Not that we settle for just anyone at that point, we still have standards and know what we are looking for. Besides, I don't believe there is just one person out there for me or anyone else. We can be compatible with many people. Who we chose determines our reality and way we journey through life.

I didn't know that I was going to get free wedding counseling and planning services when I signed up for this nannying gig! I can't hear the bells yet... and I am very alright with that.

Hitting the Back Space Button

I was sitting on the floor in the sun room doing my normal morning routine of checking my email, getting updates from my virtual life - facebook, and sipping my second cup of coffee when in walks Abby. She's a curious little girl, and I could about guess what she was going to say. "Whatcha doing?" She asked as she watched me hunched over my computer hammering out an email. I didn't answer right away, so she continues to observe and blurts out, "You hit the back space button a lot."

What? I thought I got away from all being critiqued on my keyboarding skills when I left primary school! Before I said anything, I stopped and did a insta-reflect (reflect on a situation as it happening) then said, "You know what? I do, don't I?" But I was thinking about it in a different sense...

Its easy, right? As you're typing away, you make a mistake, no big deal. Hit the back space button and its like it never happened, nobody knows, because it is completely erased. Think of the final product of a report or paper. Its clean, free of error, and in perfect state. You are proud and happy to hand it in or show it off. Nobody knows how many times you had to hit the back space button to get to that final draft.

Wouldn't it be nice if it was like that in real life? That the bad decisions or mistakes we make were totally wiped away by a simple tap of the back space key? It could never work like that. How could we ever learn from our mistakes if all it took was quick tap of the back space button? Even insta-reflect can't work that fast.

Wouldn't it be nice if we treated everyone as though they were the final draft? Forgot about the mistakes they made and just took them for what they were, right then and there? To not dwell on they're past, but because they have grown and learned from hitting the back space button. And from all that are at the most perfect state they can be at that very moment.

I don't think we are ever supposed to be at the final draft stage of who we are. People continuously change and we have to allow them to do that. New people will join our journey through life, and some will take a different path. Appreciate what you have with them in that moment.

Fill Bucket, Empty, Repeat

It seems like my kids remember the exact things I wish they would forget....

"You said if we were good at the lake that you would take us out for ice cream, we still haven't gone!"

"What? We can't have brownies for breakfast? You let us yesterday!"

"Emily, you said yesterday that we would do a fashion show! Come on! I want to pick out your outfits and see all your clothes!"

I am such a push over when it comes to fun. I pretty much specialize in fun as a nanny. But in all seriousness, I would do anything for these girls and when I say that I will do something with them or for them, I stick to it because it matters. Not just to them, but to me as well.

When I say I am going to do something, I don't sit around and talk about it for too long, I get up and do it! Why wait? If you have a fiery desire in your heart to do something, get out there and make it happen! Before my trip to Australia, I had heaps of people say to me, "WOW! That's so great you're traveling to Australia for the summer! I wish I could do that!" You CAN do it. "Oh no, I can't. Come on, Emily, really?" Yeah, sure! Just go get a plane ticket, that's what I did.

If you don't take action on your so-called dreams and desires, then they really aren't that important to you in the first place.

There are so many things I want to do before I die, or a less grim way to state it is a bucket list! This is ever changing, just my nature to do the things I want to. There are 2 activities from my bucket list that I am focusing on this summer:

Learn how to play guitar.

Run a marathon.

Both are going to take quite a bit time and self motivation to accomplish. Good thing I live with my ferrets who are constant reminders!

My guitar sits in the sun room just off the kitchen and I will sometimes hear Allison strumming a few chords on it. I gently say, "Allison, please let it be for now. I haven't got it figured out yet. But once I do, I will teach you, OK?" Without missing a beat she says, "When will you know? Why don't you just practice?" There she goes again, making my life easy by saying it like it is.

One day I was watching Allison during gymnastics and wishing I was as fit as those girls doing flips across the floor. I said to Abby, "Hey, I need you to make sure I go for a run today." All afternoon she was riding me, "Have you gone for a run yet? When are you going?" Ugh. I was beat, I really didn't want to. I'll do it tomorrow I said. This is important to me? Obviously not. I argued with myself for 20 seconds then ran upstairs to get changed, came down and ran 3 miles. There. Take that, self.

Get excited and tell people about what you want to do! Once you voice it, then you are automatically accountable to doing it, especially around the crowd that I hang with. Decide what YOU want in your bucket, empty the bucket by doing what YOU want, then meet Jack and Jill (in my case Abby and Allison) at the top of the hill to fetch a new pail of water!

a heart to heart with a 6 year old

I just received some relationship advice from Allison. It went something like this:

Allison: Emily, are you ever going to get a boyfriend?

Emily: Probably not. Why would I need one when I got you guys?

Allison: Well, if you are going to have 1,000 kids, you are going to need help taking care of them. That's why you need a boyfriend.

Emily: Oh, I get it. I will be married before I have kids, so still no need for a boyfriend.

Allison: When you get a boyfriend, we have to meet him and tell you if he is OK or not. AND he needs to act the way you want him to, or he doesn't get to be your boyfriend anymore.

Emily: Great idea!

Life is too easy when you are 6....

Meet the Ferrets.

Cute. Squirrely. Curious. Full of Surprises. Abby. Allison. Ferrets.

Abby: age 9. She's very competitive and is a killer gymnast. I swear every time she hugs me I have slight internal bleeding. In all seriousness, she is a very sweet girl who has a knack for WINNING. She cleaned house at county fair bringing home 3 purple ribbons and 2 trophies.

Allison: age 6. This girl is a big talker... I mean she talks A LOT. I love it though! She appreciates good fashion and freezey pops. She has a wild imagination. I see her making an excellent addition to a high school speech team in the impromptu and a perfect fit as a sorority girl in college.

Back to the Drawing Board

I can't believe it took me a trip across the world to realize it! It all makes sense now: my excitement for the outdoors, the high I get after a good run, how in-the-moment I get when I see something beautiful in nature and feel like a camera would get in the way, the thrill I get when I see an animal in the wild or looking up and seeing the sun's rays breaking through the clouds in the distance... I love hiking! A week into my trip, Jess took me out to one of her favorite places in Berry: Tables and Chairs. AKA - Drawing Room Rocks.

As your walking on this trail, you think to yourself, 'Who found this? How do you blaze a trail up this mountain?' The bush is incredibly thick on the way up this mountain! And the trail is constantly changing. First, its your typical dirt trail, then it gets quite rocky, then watch out for those tree roots jutting out of the ground, cross a mini Grand Canyon, splash through puddles, duck under and squeeze through the thickest bush, and you're almost to the top! The trail levels off, and you look out and see that it was all worth it.

At the top is this natural rock formation. You can see how the bigger, flat topped rocks look like tables, and smaller one surrounding them are like chairs. From here we could see out all the way to the ocean.

You could see for miles! Jess and Brad pointed out the surrounding towns:

Berry, Nowra, Kiama, Gerroa, Gerringong and ocean landmarks: Jervis Bay, and 7 mile beach... incredible.

Looking down onto this landscape reminded me that the world is so much bigger than me. Sounds like an easy concept, but often times, each of us get so wrapped up in our own reality. Everyone walking around down there is living with their own set of values, perceptions of the world and the people around them, fighting individual internal battles, or attempting to manage the external world around them. There are times when I get so tangled in my own thoughts and issues that when in the whole scheme of things is so insignificant. I reckon climbing this mountain and seeing how big the world is, just this small part even, was a way for me escape that fog. I spend way too much time worried about what other people think.

Thinking of this led me to think, 'OK then how many people out there truly care about my well being?' I mean REALLY care about the decisions I make and where my life ends up. Not too many. My family (that's all I really got), a handful of friends (I make friends quickly, and usually lose touch with them in the same manner. Easy come, easy go.), and a few mentors. Too often, I have made decisions or done things to earn a person's approval. It's one thing to care about what people think and another to worry about what people think.

When I worry about what people think, I don't actually know what they are thinking. I am only speculating and that small snowball sized thought quickly turns in massive boulder thundering around in my head. In the end, its a heap of wasted emotional energy.

Caring about what a person thinks more productive. We all care about our reputation, so take care of it! That's different than worrying about what people think. It's those people I mentioned before whose approval I really care about. Their opinion matters to me because they know who I am and the person I am striving to be. All those other people out there, are just there. Living in their own realities with their own problems.

This trip has sent me back to the drawing board. I thought going across the world would help me get past the toughest year of my life. It has definitely helped, but I don't believe it was totally necessary. Just like the bushwalk path, there are parts of life that are more challenging to pass through than others. Your abilities or bushwalking experience doesn't matter with your in the thick of it, its the choices you make that make you who you are and get you through.

We all live in our own realities and deal with things differently. Embrace your way, respect and seek to understand others way, do more caring, and less worrying. Put your spirit toward things that matter to YOU.